


Bunny Bonding

by HolyMad



Series: this will be 85% rewritten in a new series and all three stories happen at the same time (lots of text in the series description) [2]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Alec Lightwood Deserves Nice Things, BUT I HAVE TO MAKE CLEAR THAT OF COURSE MAGGIE IS A BISEXUAL EVEN IF HE'S NOT OUT, Bunnies, Closeted Character, Closeted Lydia, F/F, Homophobia, Homophobic Language, Jace is not adopted, Lesbian Lydia Branwell, M/M, Magnus Bane and Alec Lightwood First Meet, Matchmaker Lydia, Mundane Alec Lightwood, Mundane Magnus Bane, Mundane Magnus Bane/Mundane Alec Lightwood, Out of the Closet Alec Lightwood, Sassy Alec Lightwood, Singer Magnus Bane, Swearing, anyone who'd prefer a gay mags can fuck off, because her crush likes blondes :p, closeted magnus bane, doesn't mean he's not bisexual, just because he's not polyamorous, lots of bunnies, only gays, she dyes her hair, she's also not homophobic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-17
Updated: 2017-08-06
Packaged: 2018-11-15 05:31:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 5,471
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11224326
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HolyMad/pseuds/HolyMad
Summary: Magnus has to leave New York. There are way too creepy fans.He moves with his 9 bunnies and his fake-gf, Lydia in a caravan to Vancouver. Due to his severe cat allergy Lydia looks for a pet shop that doesn't serve cats. Enter vegan Alec. Enter very open Alec. Enter very respectful Alec who sees Magnus is in a relationship. Enter Alec who for once has a working gaydar.(Maia doesn't give a flying fuck about fake relationships)





	1. $ 400, +$ 2

**Lydia's car**

This is the fourth pet shop. Magnus doesn't want to check out online shops. Many scam sites, pointless shipping, few rabbit options… A proper shop near his house would be perfect.

 

**In the shop**

Alec is about to sleep. His elbows rests on the counter and his head rests on his hands. It’s 1:30 pm and still an hour until at least the schoolgirls come into the shop. He feels they don't have any pets to shop for but instead ogle at him. However, they pay good money and distract him from his rather boring job so he doesn't judge. Opening up a vegan pets-pet shop was a stupid idea. Not many people have rabbits or guinea pigs. He has already cleaned the floor and filled up what was still empty from the night before. There. Is. Nothing. To. Do.

Until a woman enters. Thick blonde hair in a long swinging ponytail approaches him. “Do you sell cats?”

 _Good afternoon to you, too. Nice to meet you. How are you?_ “Uh, there is a shelter down the road.”

Lydia growls. “Cat stuff?”

“Uhm, I'm a vegan shop. I do sell fish but as pets. Not to feed them to cats as soon as you're home.” _What an amiable woman. Reading is a gift._

“Perfect!”

“What? No, you can't buy cat food here!” _One of these vegan cat owners? UGH._

“That's the point, ebony. My client is allergic to cats and needs to buy rabbit food. He can't have cat owners in a shop.”

“Well, then call him in? The rabbit section is over there. Don't mix it with the guinea pig food two aisles further. Vitamine C-.”

“Yeah, yeah, I know.” The lady storms out of the shop.

_I should have just sent her away. If that's the agent how awful is the client._

 

**Outside, car**

Lydia comes back with a smile over her whole face. “Vegan shop apparently. The owner's a bit of a weirdo. But he's cute.”

"You cute or me cute?"

"What?"

"Don't act innocent. You call puppies cute. Lydia-cute or magnus-cute."

"He does resemble a puppy a bit..."

"Whatever. I'm low on food." Magnus steps into the shop and is faced with th- a man joking about his allergy. Great. Can he leave? Now?

 

**Inside**

Miss Friendly returns a minute later with - a stunning man. He wore just jeans and a loose plain T-shirt that didn’t hide much shape when the man walked with a certain swing. _Nice butt._ Alec is curious and just blurts out “So you are that allergic to cats? Have you thought about hypo-sensitization?”

That man looks enraged. “That thing is _why_ I'm that allergic. Had to pause for too long and now I can't go into a shop that even frequents cat owners.”

“Good thing you own bunnies then.” _Did I just say_ bunnies _?? Oh, what a_ gorgeous _smile._

 _Aw, he says ‘bunnies’!_ “Yeah. Lydia? Where again?”

“Sir, right over there. Big sign, says ‘RABBITS’.” _Allergic_ and _blind. Poor man._

 _Oh, I'm blind. Blinded by Mr Bedhead right there. Get your shit together, Magnus._ “Oh, right.” He basically shoves three packets of everything into his cart.

“Did your house burn down or something?” _Today I'm renting a movie. God, two more things and he needs a second cart._

“No, I just moved here and need to stock up.”

Magnus does not need another cart but the one he has is filled to the top. He walks over to the counter and begins to put up his haul. Alec starts scanning.

“You still have some of the old stuff? Rabbits don't take moving easily. Wait, are you from New York??”

“Yeah, sure. All bunny furniture still there. I just have a house now and want to increase their toys.”

“I see that. And thanks for choosing my small shop. Please tell me you didn't go by plane. Or car. Or… How did you travel??”

“I got them accustomed to a big caravan some weeks before and basically did a slow road trip here. Got to see the country. Canada is nice.”

“It is very nice to see home people. Welcome to Canada, Yorkie.”

“Are you from New York, too?”

“Moved here a decade ago.”

 _God, he knows bunnies AND he's from New York. Though, he acts like he was born here._ “I can barely hear an accent.”

“Thanks, I guess. How many Canadians have you met? Can you judge the Canadian accent?”

“I've been living here for a week but entered the country three weeks ago. Got the rabbits a lot of rest.”

“Sorry, but then I can't take your judgement seriously.” _That is one adorable pout._

“Magnus!! Finish your bun stuff and come out already.”

Magnus blushes lightly.  _Did he notice anything??_ He stumbles “I-I should get going. How much is this?”

“$ 394, please.”

He giggles and hands over $ 400. “Keep the change. I have to go.”

“1.5% tip? I don't think I can accept such a generosity.”

 _Oh great. Now I look like an idiot. You shouldn't care, Magnus! Well, he likes it. Marvellous._ “See you next week.” The doorbell already clings. Lydia? embraces Magnus and kisses him on the cheek.

_Did he just laugh over a Harry Potter reference? Awesome. A beautiful geek is about to become a regular and he has a girlfriend. Me and my luck in men._

 

**Outside, in the car**

“Lydia!! He is so hot! What kind of dogs do you know??”

“Uhm, he's got puppy eyes?"

"That. Does. NOT COUNT!!!"

"Aw, Magnus. I think he likes you, too.”

“So what? The Flintstones was the first couple that fucked on prime time.”

“What?"

“Aren't we exchanging useless facts nobody cares about?”

“And the first fact in your mind was one about open sexuality? Magnus. You should maybe do come out. Not just out of the shop but, like, really.”

“Because you are so _open with your sexuality_.”

“It's my job to fake relationships. Your job is standing on a huge podest singing. That's quite different.”

“How? Hodge says I'll still lose like 70% of my fans.”

“You'll lose close-minded assholes. The good people will like you even more and you'll even increase your fanbase into the queer community.”

“If you say so.”

“I do say so.”

“Still no.”

“Magnus!” She slaps him on his shoulder.

“Stop it. People might think we're breaking up or whatever.”

“Oh, really? Then you'd be single. For cutie over there.” She hits him again, softer.

“Lydia, please.”

“Alriiight, don't cry. Ew.” She raises her hand but just claps on his shoulder this time and kisses his cheek.

“You're a really good actress.”

“It’s not that different. Still lips, still necks, still shoulders. Even though you're quite muscular. And you shave, thanks for that.”

“Everything for my fake girlfriend.”

“You're so sweet, honey. You gotta watch out, though. There#s a shelter down the street that has cats.”

"Wasn't a problem today, so I guess it's okay."

"You're taking a risk?"

"What risk?"

"Someone could adopt a kitty just the time when we enter the shop."

"As if. Lydia."

"Don't tell me youre never doing scenerios. You wanna see the tree again."

"He's not that cute."

"Omggggg, Lydiaaa!! He so hawwwt. Are you kidding me?"

"Shut up."


	2. $ 250, -$ 43

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some tension?!
> 
> Lydia tries her best, okay? Brooklyn Nine-Nine!! ♥  
> O:-) or 3:-) ?

**In the car, Lydia and Magnus**

“So, you won't do anything?”

“Lydia.”

“I’m just asking.”

“No.”

“You're so stubborn. I'll wait outside. Maybe he will act first. Tell me everything.”

Magnus just groans.

“No, not here. Groan for him.”

“LYDIA.”

Snickering, giggling. It would be cute in a different situation. Right now he just hates her deeply.

  
   
**In the shop, Lydia waits outside again**

“Magnus, right? Why doesn't your girlfriend enter, too?”

 _Such heteronormativity._ Magnus may not be the best in this but he has already learned some words from Lydia. He's proud he got this one right. More or less. “She's also my bodyguard.”

Right in this moment Lydia storms into the shop. “Magnus, hide!”

“Oh, no.”

“Hey, this way.” Alec grabs Magnus' hand and leads him around a corner that is not visible from outside.

“What's up?”

“Paparazzi. Once they find me your shop will be busy and that's impossible. I … like this place. It's better than ordering online. I prefer to see what I spend my money on.” _Oh my god, he smells_ astonishing _. I'm so not going to survive this._

“Well, thanks, but why mustn't I have customers?”

“Because my fans don't know I'm allergic, okay? They'll enter with all their cat hair and then I can't enter and will have to spend my fortune somewhere else.”

“Can’t have that, can we?” Alec has subconsciously stepped even closer and his breath hits Magnus. He feels Magnus' shiver in their hands and suddenly realises that he’s standing a bit too close to a man in a relationship. With a woman… Something is odd. Alec still steps a bit back and lets go of the hand reluctantly.

 _Fuckfuckfuck. Never let me go._ “Thank you then... you never told me your name.”

"Oh, uhm Alec. Nice to meet you, I guess."

"Alexander?"

 _He can call me_ anything _with that voice._ "Most people call me Alec."

"I prefer Alexander. Pleasure."

_I plan to give you that._

“Clear!” Lydia yells from the front.

“Let's spend some of your money on me, alright?”

Magnus cheeks turn slightly pink. “Okay.”

They walk back to the main area with a respectful distance and finish the shopping.

“How come you need so much food again? Do you own a shelter?”

“No, I adopted a river bunny that was pregnant and overnight gifted me seven tiny worms. Plus the old grumpy ex-widower makes nine.”

“Fuck.”

 _Me? You? NO, MAGNUS, STOP THIS!_ It takes some seconds before Magnus finds his voice. “Not really. It would've been bad if I hadn’t had a separate rabbit room and if Black Hole wasn't such a nice and lazy asshole.”

“Black Hole is the stepdad? Not a nice name for a rabbit”

 _If Black Hole wasn't so cuddly I'd hate him so much. Big ball of fluff._ “Yeah. If he were visible on photos I'd be nicer. He's just a black splodge.” Magnus crams in his pocket and swipes on his phone. “Look at this.”

Alec squints but all he sees is a bunch of black and a hazel line.

“That line there is his kohl. Black Hole is an emo, you know.”

“You don't paint on your bunnies, do you??”

“Haha, very funny. Noo.”

“Good. I'd have to force you out of here if you did.”

“Can’t have that.” Magnus mumbles.

“Huh?”

“Oh, uhm can you tell no one I was here?.”

“Sure. Don't wanna put off my best customer.”

“Are you done chatting with your new friend? Hurry up!”

Today the bill says $ 238. Magnus hands over five $ 50 bills, says bye and is gone. Alec is going to a fancy restaurant.

 

 

 **Outside**  
  
Magnus enters the car and the driver starts immediately. They are a bit late for a concert but still roughly on schedule.

“Lydia??”

“Magnus!!”

“Ugh.”

“What's wrong?” Lydia snickers.

“He smells _breathtaking_.”

“Oh. Ew.”

“Yeah.” A long sigh creeps out of Magnus unconsciously.

“Oh, as in holding in your breath or forgetting to breathe?”

“The latter.”

“Awwww”

“Shut up. I'm doomed.”

“No. You just need to bone.”

“I- what?”

“Bone, Magnus. For mlm involves one or two dicks to be clasped by a body part of the other. Can be hands, mouth or hindgut, I think.”

 _Either Alec will kill me or this woman right here. Maybe I'll kill her first._ “Nooo. Wait. What was that last one.”

“Rectum, honey. His nice ass.”

“Ugh, don't remind me!”

“I'll keep doing.”

 _What was that before?_ “BONE??”

“Damn, have you got any blood in your brain?”

_I'm not sure..._

Silence until they reach Magnus’ house. Just before he opens the door “BOOONEEEEE???”

Lydia just laughs.

 

**Lydia's home**

One hour later Lydia gets a call.

“Hi, Ma-”

“ **BOOOOOOOONEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE?????** ”

Magnus hangs up and Lydia falls off the couch laughing.


	3. $ 3500, -$ 50

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jace/Dominic happens.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A very straight Dominic happens.  
> A cat sitting Dominic happens.  
> A crying Magnus happens. (Yeah, sorry when Dom/male! Jace enters everything goes downhill. The law is hard but it's the law.)  
> A very sorry Dominic happens.  
> A Dominic making up for his mistakes happens.  
> A match making Dominic happens. :D

**The shop, 10 am, Dom and Alec**

Dom had the early shift and decided to visit his brother. Great day to do so. Alec had managed to convince the new customers that he's allergic to cats but his shop is still half empty when Dom arrives.

“DOM! WOW! What are you doing here??”

“Can’t a busy man visit his brother of his half-day off?”

“Sure. It just happens so rarely. You really don't need to bake that extra cake or whatever?”

“Ya, well, it happened today, man. Be happy. These shelves are empty! Have you had a good day today?”

“Ugh, let's just forget it and fill them together.”

 

**Outside, Lydia’s car, 1:55 pm, Lydia and Magnus**

“Magnus, you can do this. You know where everything is, you got your list, you got this.”

“What if someone passes me? Who just hugged their? cat??”

“Yes, it's ‘their’ and look at the street. It's empty. Now go. Don’t do what I wouldn't do.”

“There's not much excluded then.”

“My point. Now put your feet out of the car!”

Magnus stands in front of the door and already sees hairs in the sunbeams. He does trust his new friend. This is all bunny hair. He opens the door.

 

**Back inside, 2 pm, Magnus, Alec and Dom**

Or maybe chinch- His nose tickles. Achoo! WHY! He wants to run away and cry alone.

The brothers have finished the shelves and Dom even helped cleaning the shop. Just as he's about to leave, Magnus enters – and sneezes. Eyes full of betrayal he runs back to the car. Alec drops the broom and runs after him.

“Magnus! What's wrong? Are you sick?”

“Fuck you! You've been on the news. All those cat people. You just lost your ‘best customer’, asshole!!”

“Magnu-” But the car door is already closed. “Fuck.” nononononononononononononono

 

**Back outside!, like 2:01 pm?, Magnus and Lydia  
**

“Mags? Why are you back in? What's wrong?”

“Remember last week the paparazzi? A-nd the ne-news? And, and how this w-w-week this shop aaalways seemed full? Every time we drove by? I guess, he's got enough customers now.”

“Oh, Magnus. I bet that's not what happened.”

“Tell my nose. It feels like bursting.”

“Honey, don't cry. I'll talk to him tomorrow, okay?”

“No.”

“Magnus, don't be a child now.”

“Am not.”

“You're all grown up. Right.”

 

**Meanwhile inside, Alec and Dom**

“Damn, who was that?”

“He was right. My best customer. Two weeks ago he showed up and spent 400 bucks. Then last week he came back and spent another 250. He has like 10 bunnies or something.”

“Whoa there. And I thought your five fuckers are already bad.”

“Oh no. Are you babysitting Church for Max right now? He's visiting the parents, isn't he?”

“Yeah, why?”

“That customer's like this super allergic to cats. And you just… made everything dirty by cleaning up. And don't you dare ever call my babes fuckers again.”

“So he's rich, cute and has rabbits. Hooked up yet?”

“He's got a girlfriend, I think.”

“I saw how he looked at you and that didn’t look like he has a girlfriend.”

“Yeah, right? Something’s off between them.”

“You should definitely bone.”

“Dom! First, I don't even know for sure if he even likes men. Second, you can't just bone every time there is a problem.”

“That's the base for most marriages, though.”

“You're gross.”

“You're the one poking someone else's shithole.”

“Dom. We had this talk. There are condoms and showers.”

“Yeah, yeah. You and your preparations.”

“And you know what. It's not like it's solely for mlm couples.”

“But I-”

“You're not the only person in the world.”

“Know-it-all.”

“Hetero people.”

“Still.”

“Anyways! You leave and google a Magnus or Lydia from New York. I'll call Maia and clean this up. I need that money.”

“This is totally not because he's hot?”

“Girlfriend. I repeat.”

“ ‘Something off’ I repeat, DUH”

“Whatever. Do not come here until you've washed your clothes, I think. I'll talk to them how that works.”

“You're already gone, idiot. Haha!”

“Don't remind me. Could you see his eyes??”

“Goner. You make me sick. Bye.”

“Bye, you relationship phobic!”

Maia comes over and they ‘clean up’ the shop. Dom is sorry how he acted and e-mails Lydia’s business account he found on Twitter. $ 650 is business. When Lydia answers he explains the situation - and _maybe_ slightly hints at Alec’s feelings. Lydia promises to show up the next day.

 

**Magnus’, 2:30 pm, Magnus  
**

-Call from Lydia ❤❤-

“Hey Lil, what's up?”

“I just mailed with Alec’s brother. And he-”

“What? He is terribly sorry but fuck you?”

“Magnus. He said that he's sorry but this Dom guy was babysitting their brother’s cat. Alec didn’t know and they both cleaned the whole shop spreading the evil cat hairs all over the place. A friend with no cats is coming over and they clean it up without Dom.Domsaid we're back tomorrow. You said the rabbits love Alec's food.”

“God, they do. I've never seen them eat so much hay.”

“See? Even if you don't … do the do you still need to go there for your smol fluffs.”

“I hate you.”

“I love you, too. See you tomorrow at 2 pm?”

“Ugh, right.”

-call ended-

 

**Still the shop, 6 pm, Alec and Maia  
**

-call from Dom Lightwood-

“ _Hey, Alec”_

“Dom? What's up?”

“ _So I'm sorry I bought that stuff up again and how it went and everything. I texted that Lydia. She understands and they'll come back tomorrow.”_

“Wow, thanks! Are you free tonight? I wanna do a bro-day again. Gotta teach you a little lesson, bro.”

“ _Uh sure! I gotta talk to you about your tiny crush there anyways.”_

“Yeah! I'll bring booze you get the food. And why did you say that. What do you mean?”

“ _10 pm. See you then!”_

-call ended-

“Wha- Asshole.”

“Ugh, Maia. He's so straight.”

“We're making progress still.”

“Slowly. Different topic, please.”

“So Lydia, huh?”

“Actually. Could you come here tomorrow again? I need a second gaydar. Pleaaase?”

”Why are you going for the puppy eyes? You know I can't say no anyways. You're unnecessarily cruel.”

“ o.o “

“ALEC.”

“Will you?”

“Check out that cutie and his somehow-girlfriend? Definitely.”

“You're the best.”

“You're the worst, though.”

“You love me for that.”

“What would I give for that to be a lie.”

“Not a single thing.”

“I knooowwwwww! UGH”

Alec needs the good stuff. Vodka for $ 50.

 

**Dom’s, 9:50 p, Dom, Alec**

“ALEC WHAT THE FUCK”

“Dom! Calm down. It's just to celebrate the worst day of my life.”

“Yeah, nice bottle. Not important. Have you any idea who your boy is??”

“Uhm, not my boy but a cute geek who has bunnies?”

“He's. Magnus. Bane.”

“Who?”

“How do you even survive without entertainment??”

“I like reading. You know, having a dead piece of wood in your hands and inhaling ink and seeing movies inside your head.“

“Nerd. He's a super famous singer who fled from New York because of paparazzi and overly interested fans! You're about to date a superstar!!”

“We. Won't. Date. Dom.”

“Keep telling yourself. I saw what I saw.”

“Dom.”

“No, I’m serious. And that weird girlfriend is Lydia Branwell, movie actress, who followed him here because she ‘likes the countryside’ or something. I'm offended, okay?”

“Dom, you've never been to New York. It's like Vancouver in the space of one block. Times a thousand blocks. It's huge.”

“Alec ‘I have seen the world’ Lightwood.”

“Perks when your rich af parents are sorry for shitting on you for being gay.”

“Maybe I'll tell them I'm pan.”

“They accepted Max already. And don't act like you're queer just for money. The fuck?”

“No playing?”

“No!”

“Okayy. Let's party. How much money did you make with all those thirsty bitches waiting for your boyfriend?”

“He's- ugh. $ 3500.”

“FUCK. You should have bought the food, too.”

“I still have to refill the shelves. And didn't _you_ tell me you got this huge wedding cake last week?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter will be the following day, not one week later.  
> Fight me but Jace was in that Java Jones thing and not Alec. Jace/Dom is the cook. Maybe that's the AU part in this idk. But this is slightly based on the AU ep so Jace/Dom is the kitchen person.


	4. $ 300 + $ 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> out of order but this is Pride Month 2017 >fairytale.  
> Red Riding Hood. That movie was so damn trash but it's awesome.
> 
> Alec is rly sry k??  
> Lydia is Amanda Seyfried. Actually she's just blonde and white af but idc. I couldn't think of a fairytale that has her as actress.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back at this. There are 4 more chapters done. Plus ch8 which I have to think about how to do. Still looking for f/f fluff. idk they'll probably end up watching netflix and cuddle. hawlp.

**In the shop, 2:10 pm**

None of them have said a word. Alec has been too insecure and Magnus definitely hasn’t want to take the first step. He has been petty but he doesn’t care at all, okay. He suffered yesterday! 

However, Alec can’t take it.  “ Hey, Magnus. I'm sorry. I should’ve asked him. I alr-”

“ It’s okay. Can I buy the stuff first, though?”

“ Sure. I'd just like to tell you I got this new stuff and my rabbits  _ love _ it.”

“ Did you go to marketing school?”

“ Uh, I'm telling the truth. I need one bag everyday.”

“ That seems much. How many bunnies do you have?”

“ 5.”  _ ’Bunnies’. Oh. My god. My soulmate. _

“ That means for one week I need 13 bags?”

“ That about fits, I think. How did you calculate that so fast?”

“ You're the math student. Tell me?”

“ Why would I study math? Explain, still.”

“ You're a business person. Would improve your life if you knew maths. So imagine I have 10 bunnies. Twice as much as you by the way,  _ loser _ . Times seven days. Makes 14. I only have 9 so 13.”

“ I only learned some stuff from my dad. You are a day late, though then. You only need 11. And you should maybe buy half of it to accustom them to it.”

“ You really didn't go to marketing school. Aight.”

“You'll buy 13 bags next week.”

“Your father did teach you something! I'll round up for that. 6 bags.”

Magnus shoves the bags into the cart.

“ Can we talk now?”

“ Ya. Try.”

“ So yesterday, no last week, was hell. I think people expected you to show up again and I had to tell them  _ I _ am allergic to cats because if I said dogs cat people would still enter. And there were still so many people who bought all that stuff for their other pets. Apparently there are even quite a few degus in this area... But then later my brother showed up and helped me tidy up. And he’s babysitting my other brother’s cat. Which I didn't know. I swear. And then you showed up. I told my brother and he mailed... Lydia? and explained everything. And I got another friend to help me clean up  _ again _ . And now you're here. Thanks.”

He already knows all that but hearing it from Alec makes him feel better. To hear and see how much Alec is sorry. “You did that just for me?”

“ Of course. I'm the best shop in Canada, or maybe British Columbia. And you need me, right?”

“ Not because I already spent $ 500 here?”

“ 650 and no, I got five times as much yesterday.”

“ So because of me.”

“ Well…”

“ Admit it or I'm leaving.”

“ Are you going to steal the stuff or what?”

“ Admit it.”

“ Okayyyyy. Thanks. Fine?”

“ So only your brother and your friend know?”

“ Yeah but they won't tell anyone.”

“ Are you sure?”

“ It’s not exactly a regular conversation topic. ‘So do you know anyone who's extremely allergic to cats and sneezes adorably?’ ”  _ FUCK. He blushes. Again. _ “So, again: fine?”

“ Very.”

*Doorbell rings* Maia and Lydia enter.

“ Hi, Maia!”

“ Lydia? Anything wrong?”

“ Naw, I just noticed this person enter the shop with my boyfriend in it and wanted to have a look.”

_ He flinched again. What's going on here? _ “Yeah, this is the woman who saved me yesterday. Maia, Lydia, Magnus.” Alec points at each person.

“ Hey, you two. I’m Maia, the heroine.” She winks at Alec.

Lydia has an idea: “ Magnus, you've got a clear schedule today, right? Have you done any changes?”

“ Uh, what? I'm clean today.”

“ As a redemption for yesterday, I'll suggest movie night. On me. There's this new movie out and you guys are gonna love it!”

Magnus walks over to Lydia and whispers “ _ Your movie?” _

“ _ Yeah, chill. It's a fairytale.” _

“ _ Kay.” _

“ Did I hear fairytale?”

“ Just give a try, please.”

Alec mumbles _"This is totally not because you already have a crush?"_

Maia whispers “ _ Shut up. 'm in. She's cute. And not straight. And whatever they have, it is not a relationship. We're  _ good _ , Alec. Besides!! I see how you look at him. I'm not the one with a crush."  
_

H _e does_ not _blush at that._ “ _ Are you sure?”  
_

“ _ We'll see tonight. 80% for now.” _

_ “Is that objective or do you want her to like you.” _

_ “Bitch, either way she already loves me.” _

 

“ That's 286 today, Magnus.”

“ I'm spending 40 freaking dollar on something you just mentioned.”

“ Two weeks ago you spent $ 400 without knowing anything. Don't act like you need the money.”

“ Shush.”

_ Puppy eyes and that blush again. I'm deaddd _ . “The money, Bane.”

“ Really? Bane?”

“ Magnus. Money. The movie will start in one and a half hours.”

“ That's still a lot of time.”

“ We need to drive there for 50 minutes. And we should be 30 minutes early to get good seats. So will you finish in 10 minutes?”

“Don't put me under such pressure.”

“Ugh, Magnus.” Alec lets his head fall backwards.

_ Don't look at his neck. Don't don't don’t. _ “Here you are. Let's go, Mr hectic.” 

Lydia and Magnus go outside but Maia has an idea. “Will you drive? I wanna talk to Lydia a bit on the backseat. See what weird relationship they have. Lydia is so gay, I swear.”

“You've known her for what, 20 minutes?”

“Did you beg for my gaydar or not. Lydia equals gay. For me. If -no, when- this works you're getting  _ Maaagnus _ and don't tell me you're not already gone for that boring person.”

“Really, does nobody see his eyes?”

“I, uhm, didn't look at him at all, sorry.”

“They are brown! But there is so much lipochrome they look like gold!!”

“OMG you  _ are _ gone! That's so sweet.”

“As are his honey eyes. Leave me alone. You said you haven't even noticed him. All eyes on that girl. Shut up.”

“You're rambling. Adorable. Now let me do my work and get us two dates.”

“No  _ date _ for me.”

“Appointment? I didn't know you're so serious about your hookups.”

“Date just sounds so romantic.”

“Then… jujube?”

“What??”

“Chinese date.”

 

**meanwhile, outside**

“Lydia?? Fairytales are cheesy.”

“Honey, it's Red Riding Hood. Some wolves, a big werewolf, Sirius Black, cute girls, cute boys…”

“Hmpf.” 

“It'll be fun!!”

“We'll see. But where is the couple? First so anxious and now they stay inside for ages. They can make out later.”

“Will you fetch them? I'll tidy the car.”

 

**back inside**

Magnus stomps back inside. “Mr and Mrs Hectic we're waiting.”

“Shorty, we are so not married. I don't think if I were into men… I- I don't know... Naw. Only blondes for me. Sorry, bro.”

“You know what. That hurt. If I were into women, I’d definitely have a crush on you. This friendship is  _ o.v.e.r _ .”

“Stop whining.”

Alec turns around dramatically and Maia beats his shoulder. “Come on, we need to leave.”

_ So he's gay? Or is he... none? What was that word ag- YOU CAN'T DO THIS, YOU IDIOT. _

 

**In the theatre, the movie runs  
**

_ This is so bad.  _ Alec gets up and climbs the seats to the aisle. And if he had to use Magnus’ knee as support and maybe stroke it a bit so what? Lydia and Magnus look at Maia and Lydia whispers “Is he such a scaredy cat? Why would he leave? It's not that bad.”

“I have no idea, sweetheart. Send Magnus after him.”

“Uh, uhm, that's a great idea actually.” Lydia turns around. “Magnus, you're the outsider. Go look after that weirdo.”

“I should have sat down first.”

“Well, you didn't want to sit next to Alec and he sneaked in first. Now go.”

Magnus gets up and searches for the bathrooms. 

 

**In the bathroom**

The theatre is quite small and he finds there is only a mixed room. He knocks and opens the first door to the sinks. There are indefinable sounds coming from one stall. “Alec? Are you there? Are you upset? The movie is not that bad.” 

Alec laughs loudly. “The film  _ is  _ bad! Are we watching the same thing?”

“Hey! Don't insult my friend!” Magnus barges into the stall furiously hoping that Alec is dressed. He is.

“Hey, have you heard about privacy?”

“You lost that privilege when you laughed so loudly that they'll hear it in the whole theatre!!”

Alec only laughs louder and Magnus presses a hand on his mouth. Big hazel eyes stare up at him and narrow from a smirk. Alec licks at Magnus hand who in return stiffens in shock.

“Are you serious?” He presses the hand more into this pretty evil person’s face. Very pretty. But evil. He secures his position by holding Alec’s nape with the other hand.

Alec hums happily.

“You are disgusting.”

Alec makes a disagreeing sound, looks down at the hand and back up. Magnus doesn't move and Alec raises an eyebrow.

“No. Promise you won't laugh.”

“M-mh.”

Magnus steps closer - trying to intimidate this evil person - and his hand shifts in Alec's nape. Alec shivers and looks up. Golden eyes just became as big as plates but not from excitement. Is it fear? He decides to distract him and bites the hand. Magnus jumps backwards.

“What the-?”

“If you don’t want them to think we’re undressing each other we should head back.” _ Not that I’d mind it. _

“Fine. But you’re not laughing. Think of your shelter or whatever.”  _ Don’t even think about it, Magnus. _

“What? Why? It's not  _ my _ shelter.”

“All the pets they put down?”

“You wanna make me cry?

“If that prevents you from laughing, then yes.”

“Okayy but it's a no-kill shelter. They all die from old age or sickness.”

“ _ Whatever _ ! Don't laugh or losing your best customer is the least of your concerns.”

“Fiine. You’re cute when you're mad.”  _ oh fuck. _

Magnus starts counting the tiles on the floor. “Don't” he whispers.

“We'll talk another time, okay? Now let's head back to the theatre room, shall we?”  _ Why is he so pretty when he blushes? _

Magnus just nods.

Alec squeezes past Magnus and inhales his scent for the last time. Then he opens the door to the sinks. Magnus is still standing in the doorframe. 

“Hey, you coming? I won't say anything. It's your thing not mine.” Alec doesn’t dare to hug him but he rubs his hand into Magnus’ shoulder. “Magnus? It's okay. I don't want your girlfriend to think I killed you.” As usual he flinches at the word girlfriend. Alec really should talk to Maia but he just promised he wouldn't! 

Big golden eyes look up to him. “Not a word?”

“No. Now come on, will you?” He puts his hand softly between the -slightly!!- shorter man’s shoulder blades and they walk back.

  
  


**Meanwhile in the theatre, speaking low, italic speech is quiet whisper**

“ They. Are. So. Cute! Maia!”  _ Shitshitshit. He's my ‘boyfriend’ ! _

“ God, I know. You are, too.”

“ Uh, thanks.”

“Don't I get it back?”

“I have a boyfriend.”

Maia severely struggles to not laugh out loud. “You're giving me the ‘I have a boyfriend’ ?”

“Because I do? He's sitting next to me? Well, he would be if  _ your _ boyfriend didn't go outside to cry or whatever.”

“Oh, girl, we both are so gay.”

Lydia gasps.  _ Does she know?  _ “Uh, what?”

“Alec is gay, I am gay. We aren't in a relationship. Ew. haha”

Someone behind them throws popcorn at them.

“Hey you dick. I'm watching this film with my friends and you're staying quiet now. Woah, don't say anything. You're in a love seat! Don't act like you're here for the film.”

They all stop talking until the men come back.

 

**Enter not-Malec (:**

“Honey, where were you so long?” 

Magnus grabs Alecs shirt. “ _ Alec, what are we gonna say??” _

_ “Calm down, shorty, I got this.  _ In the bathroom, my lady.” Alec pushes past the women and Magnus sits down. Magnus does  _ not  _ look at a certain human tree’s behind. His girlfriend is sitting right here. What are you thinking?

 

**Maia and Alec**

“For 10 minutes?  _ You didn't do anything, did you? _ ”

“We talked a bit about Lydia’s marvellous acting while- I'm not telling you details!” _I have to solve this alone.  
_

“You're boring.”

“ **_No. Thing. Hap. Penned!_ ** ” Alec pokes his friend’s arm with every syllable.

“ _ Tell me later.” _

“ _ There is nothing!! _ ”   _ I can tell her when I know more. But not now _ .

“Whatever.”

“Thanks.”

 

**next to them: Lydia and Magnus**

“What happened? It's dark but…”

“He really just had to… use the room. And when I came in we talked about the film and forgot the time.”

_ “Spare me the details. Nothing else?” _

_ “What do you mean?” _

_ “You and Mr Nice-Butt in a small room, no other people…” _

_ “NO.” _

_ “Are you sure?” _

“YEAH!”

_ “Do you wanna talk at home?” _

_ “yeah...  _ Let's just watch the film _.” _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [MOVIE SPOILER]  
> .  
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> .  
> .  
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> #TeamHerDadBItesHerAndSheLivesHappilyEverAfterWithHimAndHerFuckboi

**Author's Note:**

> Jace's assigned name is Dominic. Creative, I know. I rewrote it because a former mutal told me Jacqueline is not rachet in the U.S. Since that person is a former I don’t know if they are just as ratchet. If you are Canadian/American or otherwise native English with thoughts on the name Jaqueline, hit me up. Here, on splpkcx on Twitter or on raphaeldeservesallthelove on tumblr.  
> other name for her is Jessica. have you seen that tumblr post? mindfuck i swear.  
>  
> 
> Get yourself bunnies. Solves all problems. Except if you have a lot of cables in the open. or expensive furniture. Or a bunny allergy. I'd still have bunnies if I became allergic tbh...


End file.
